Saturn: I wonder what the giant banana is for...


Ash: Saturn?
Saturn: Ash?
Ash & Saturn: What are you doing here?!


Saturn: I'm infiltrating the lair! I'm undercover as a porn star coming to audition for 'Catholic Schoolgirl Debutante Cheerleader Sluts VII'. I've spent all week staking out the place and planning.


Ash: Well that's good, because I was going to say you were dressed up like Penny.


Saturn: Penny?
Ash: The redheaded FBI girl.
Saturn: Oh. Well how did you get in? You must have only just got back from your vacation.


Ash: I got in by walking through the front door and going down into the secret lair through the really obvious concealed door behind the fake fireplace. I'd love to stay and chat, but I have an appointment with my insurance guy. Need to have my house rebuilt and all.


Saturn: How can it be that easy?! In the future, Nightshade has surveilliance devices, booby traps, an army of roboraptors...


Ash: Yeah, well the future isn't now. I really think you should stop thinking about Nightshade as some all knowing supervillain. She's really just an idiot who watches too many spy movies. Ciao.
Saturn: But...!


Saturn: GAH! I wasted an entire week getting in here! And in this outfit! What am I going to do now?

 

 

 


Pink: ...So zen, ze policeman he say "Oh, she not dead, she English!"
Frankie: HA! And it's so true!


Vertigo: Bloody damn buggering cable telly! 500 bleedin' channels, and not a thing on one of 'em!
Roxy: Now, now, they're American. They don't know what quality telly is.

Vertigo: An this 'ere '24' show, it's totally un-bloody-realistic! Gel fucks a journalist in the bathroom of a plane to steal 'is bloody press card and then blows up the bloody plane to get rid of the evidence?! 'Ell! Like a journalist on a passenger manifest on a plane blown up by buggering terrorists isn't going to 'ave any problems sittin' in wit the president the next day? You an me, we just get 'im in a taxi outside the airport after he sets down an' kills him all quiet like.
Roxy: Well that's why we're professionals. It's amateurs like that who keep the CIA in business.


Vertigo: Fucking right! Maybe we can make some money in this movie business. They 'ave ta need some professionals ta tell 'em how to do things proper like.
Valentine: Hi! Are you guys Nightshade's new henchmen? I'm Valentine.


Vertigo: You're the poofy pink-eaded gel the boss lady told us about, yeah?
Valentine: Probably. Who are you?


Vertigo: Oi'm Vertigo and this 'ere's Roxy.
Roxy: Why not have a seat with us? There's nothing on the telly.


Vertigo: 'Ere, you're not French, are ya?
Valentine: No.
Vertigo: Good on yer!
Valentine: Um, thanks. Is this everybody? Because I was going to do some cooking for everyone later...
Roxy: Just the pervert, the trollup and us two.


Pink: Excuze moi, but zat is not correct.
Frankie: You forgot about the lovely Discord.


Valentine: Discord?
Roxy: Is she French too?


Pink: Oh ho ho! You have not met ze Discord? I suppose she only talks to ze important 'enchmen. Too bad for you, eh?

 

 


Nightshade: I'm the worst supervillain evers!


Discord: Well, not yet, but if you work hard you'll be the worst someday.
Nightshade: NO! I mean I'm bad at it.


Nightshade: I feel so... so... what's the opposite of supervillainish?


Discord: Un-supervillainish?
Nightshade: Exactly! I mean, I go and try to loot Ash's place while she's away. So things don't go exactly as planned, but I have a backup! Instead of ransoming Magma for a fortune, I ransom him so that Ash doesn't kick my ass.


Discord: I admit, it is a little against a villain's pride to ransom a billionaire to such cheap ends, but it's better than having Ash out to get you, isn't it?


Nightshade: No, that part's totally fine. That was good thinking. It's just the part where I have to put up Ash and Valentine and my traitor minion Eric in my own personal evil lair while Ash's house is rebuilt. And it wasn't even my fault! It was that Genie sex-bot...


Discord: ASH IS HERE?
Nightshade: Didn't you know? Valentine's probably baking everyone cookies already.


Discord: AGH! This could destroy everything!
Nightshade: Oh now you're just being dramatic. It's humiliating at worst.


Discord: If she finds out she will probably try to stop us and everything will go wrong! I have to make a plan...


Commentary:
Do YOU want to know what the giant bananna is for? I certainly do. It's a baby Bratz toy. The doll sits on the bananna, and you pull the string. The Bananna then rocks and vibrates. It's one of those things you have to buy, because when you tell people about it, no one will believe you.

Ah, you want to know the joke Pink was telling Frankie? It goes like this: A tourist is taking a walk through a park in France, and spots a guy having sex with a dead woman. Obviously, he's freaked out and runs to get the police. An officer comes down, a fairly young guy and is also shocked and appalled that there is, in fact, a guy having sex with a dead woman in the park. Not knowing what kind of psychopath they may be dealing with, he calls for backup and an older officer comes along, takes one look, and shakes his head and tells the tourist and the younger cop not to worry about it. Why? they ask. Obviously the guy's a sick fuck and something should be done with him. The older officer says no, he's seen this sort of thing before and that was his first impulse too, but he's seen a bit more of this since then and it's really just better to let them be, after all, it's not illegal it's just in bad taste. It isn't illegal to have sex with dead people in France? the tourist asks, appalled. She's not dead, the officer explains, she's English. I didn't make this up, I've actually heard it from someone else. Obviously it originated in France...

The part that Roxy is complaining about for '24'. If you've watched the first season, she is talking about the first episode. For a reputedly spectacular show, I stopped watching it after 3 episodes because it was just far too unrealistic, and the examples just kept piling up so that instead of suspenseful it was just ridiculous.